101 Reasons Bed Rest is Not a Vacation

by Kate

I know, I know.  Your day is crazy busy and your to-do list a mile long.  And if you’re pregnant on top of that, you want nothing more than a minute to stop and rest.  So the idea of a doctor – or really anyone – telling you to do nothing but lie down and rest for the foreseeable future sounds amazing.  I understand.  And I’m sure for a day or two it might actually be restful and restorative.  But I promise you that going on bed rest when you’re pregnant is anything but a vacation.

My bed rest experience was during my pregnancy with Isaac and lasted from week 20 to week 34.  That’s 3 ½ long months.  The “bed rest rules” for me were that I could shower, use the bathroom, and go to my weekly doctor’s visits.  But other than that I was to be lying down.  It was as challenging as you can imagine, but I’ll save all that for another time.

While there probably are 101 reasons, I’ll just share with you a few:

1. You’re only put on bed rest because there is something concerning happening with the pregnancy.  It is SCARY to have something potentially be wrong, and the fear and anxiety that comes with bed rest can be overwhelming and exhausting.
2. Our bodies were meant to be moving and active, so day after day of lying down and not moving takes its toll.  My muscles literally ached to move.  A nurse told me that many women on bed rest think they have restless leg syndrome, and I felt the same way (only it was my whole body – not just my legs).  But it’s not that, it’s simply your body wanting desperately to get up and move.
3. While it may sound relaxing to not be able to do anything and have people wait on you, it’s actually a depressing and humbling experience to be dependent on others for everything.  It was hard to let go of everything and not be able to help; to feel so un-useful.  I knew taking care of the baby was my biggest priority and only I was the one that could lie on the couch and do that, but it still was hard as I didn’t feel like I was doing anything.
4. It is surprisingly tiring to not be able to do anything.  Partially because it’s so mentally and emotionally draining to battle the fear and uncertainty, which is exhausting.  I thought I would never want to sleep because I wasn’t doing anything during the day, but instead I found I was quite tired at night.
5. As I read in a bed rest resource, it is “the loss of an ideal pregnancy” and with that comes plenty of sadness and grief to work through.  It was easy to have envy for those who got to enjoy their pregnancy without issue, who got to make birthing plans and schedule baby showers.  Heck, it was easy to envy anyone who got to walk around during the day, pregnant or not!
6. You live day by day, if not minute by minute.  I vividly remember thanking God every night that I was still pregnant, and again the next morning for making it one more night.  I had weekly doctor’s appointments for the bulk of my bed rest time, and I felt like I lived from one appointment to the next.  It was hard to think past the coming week’s appointment, as SO much hinged on what that ultrasound showed.  I could think ahead to the next week, but after that it just seemed like a huge unknown.
7. I found the beauty aspect to be quite humbling.  I couldn’t dry or style my hair (or at least didn’t bother since I would have had to do it lying down).  I had to put makeup on lying down so again, didn’t wear much.  I couldn’t paint my toenails without a great deal of effort as bending around a pregnant belly while lying down is quite the challenge.  Any muscle tone I had slowly atrophied, so my body barely looked like my own.  I made a note in my journal that the only part of me that felt beautiful was my nails, as I always had the time and ability to paint them!
8. The last 5 weeks of my pregnancy were a complete joy.  I know most women are very uncomfortable and complain during that last stage, and I certainly had my share of discomfort, but I was beyond thrilled to a: still be pregnant, and b: be free to walk around and rejoin society.  I LOVED those last weeks and cherished every day.

As I said I’m sure there’s more, but I’ll end here for now.  Obviously all those months of lying down worked and I got to have a healthy, full term baby.  His life is certainly worth all the struggle and hardship bed rest caused.

The Gift of Listening

by Kate

During a recent drive to my hometown (an exciting 6+ hours) I had plenty of time to think about how we’re doing after the past few years.  It brought to mind a few events that seem to stick out, some helpful, some not.  One of those helpful events was a visit from a college roommate while I was on bed rest.

I don’t know what your knowledge of bed rest is, but if it sounds like a blissful time of lying around and watching movies all day, it’s not.  Well, it technically is that minus the blissful part (at least for me).  With our son I was on bed rest for 14 weeks.  From when I was 20 weeks pregnant to 34 weeks pregnant – 3 ½ very long months.  I could shower and get up to go to the bathroom but otherwise was lying down.  It was brutal.  For me, bed rest was a daily battle against fear and anxiety, exhausting, depressing – pretty much anything but enjoyable.

There were many wonderful friends and family that brought me meals or stopped by to visit during that time, and I appreciated all of them.  One of those visits was from my college roommate who happened to be in town and came over to make dinner.  I hadn’t seen her in a long time, and it was great to catch up.  I don’t remember all we talked about, but at some point we started discussing my current pregnancy, the prior death of my daughter, and all the emotions and grief that entailed.

I remember her visit because she asked me meaningful questions and actually seemed to genuinely listen and care about the answers.  She asked me questions about my daughter (people often ask about how we’re doing, grief, etc – very few ask directly about her), she asked questions about how our faith was affected, what was I struggling with, how was all of that affecting this pregnancy, and on and on.  She asked questions as if she truly cared and wanted to know more.

Isn’t that how most conversations go?  You would think.  But after she left, I thought about our evening and realized it’s not how most go.  How often do we not really listen to what others are saying but instead just think of what we’re going to say next?  Or bring up other things we’re thinking of?  Or seem to listen but really are distracted by the million things going on in our head?  A book I’m reading talks about communication and sums it up like this:

“The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts.  It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another.”

There was VERY little that occurred during bed rest that I would label “refreshing.”  Her visit was.  And I think it’s because she gave me the gift of truly listening.  I would like to believe that I did an equal amount of listening but I’m fairly certain I did the majority of the talking. 

I’ve had millions of conversations since that evening and I probably have not always been the best listener.  But I am trying to be aware; be present and truly listen.  Perhaps one day it can be a gift to someone else as it was for me.